Endless Loops

"For the first time in my life, I absolutely don't mind crawling out of bed and going to work. Funny right?" I joked to my wife as we both got ready for our day. "No joke," she said, "getting you out of bed to do anything was a chore, much less trying to get you motivated to go to that shit job...I sometimes wonder why I even stuck around." "Because you couldn't resist how awesome I am!" I said flexing in the mirror, both of us chuckling. Then we both caught a glimpse of something. Something I tend to hide. Scars. Our moods shifted quickly and we were both quiet for a moment. She ran her finger down my arm tracing the lines. After a solemn moment, I spoke up, "Thank you...for sticking around." "My only regret is that I wish I knew this was going on at the time..." she said quietly. "Hey babe, that was a long time ago, I've...we've changed. Things are much better now," I said smiling. She latched on to me, I held her also. "Ok, enough of this romantic comedy shit," she laughed through her emotion, "we have to go to work."
It was no lie that things sucked back then. Our shithole apartment, our shitty jobs, barely affording to live...Hell sometimes we couldn't afford to eat. It was too much for me, but I bottled it up and powered through it. Then it all came down one night when she was working a night shift and I was alone. That day, something inside me broke. Nothing new had happened, I can't even begin to rationalize what I was thinking, just that this was the end. Needless to say it wasn't. Here I am now, a new place, new job, actually can afford good food, and I'm even driving a 'new to me' car. We aren't rich, but life is good.
Taking slow sips of my coffee, carefully because I don't want to end up a burn victim while I drive, I see traffic start to slow down in front of me. "Shit, this lane has been closed for months, do people still not know how to properly merge?" I turn on the radio to see if there is any traffic reports. "Bbbbzzzzzrrhrhtthhh Pain gggzrth nothing ghhhrth." "What the Hell? I honestly haven't tried the radio in a long time so it probably went out a while back. Whatever." I reached for my phone and something in my rear view caught my eye. "Oh shit. Oh fuck. That truck isn't slowing down. This is going to hurt," was all that was going through my head at that moment and not two seconds later all I could hear was metal crunching.
"AH! SHIT!" I screamed, breathing heavily. Its dark, I'm in a bed, gripping a pillow. It was a nightmare. I turn over to wake my wife to, honestly, just get some assurance when I roll into a wall. "The fuck? When did this wall get here?" I face the other way, nothing there either. Still groggy from being jolted awake, I slide all the way over and off the bed. When my feet hit the floor, I get an odd sensation. The floor is cold and wet. Then it finally hits my thick skull, "Where the fuck am I?" A light bulb without a cover flickers on in the center of the room. This room is completely foreign to me. Trying to figure out what is going on, I finally look down at my feet, some sort of black ooze is all around this area of the room. The I look around to see the same ooze covers the wall, but only on this side of the room. It seems to even be clumped together in a mass in the corner. I want to believe its a trick of the light, but it seems to be pulsating. The longer I stand there trying to decide what the hell I am looking at, I an ever growing pain in my feet. It stings. "Fuck! Why have I been standing in this shit for so long?!" At the moment run to get out of the gunk, the pain increases ten fold, and I hear a very high pitched, warbling...almost like laughing sound.
The light goes out and I trip on something. I hit the ground hard. Solid concrete.
BEEEP BEEEP BEEEP. Fucking alarm clock, I thought I got rid of this thing. I slam my fist on it to stop its infernal racket. Then I open my eyes. "No." I turn over to see a note laying on the cardboard box I used for a night stand, "Hey babe, I didn't want to wake you, but I was just reminding you I have to work the night shift tonight." the note read. I shot out of bed. "NO!" This room is familiar. This was our old place. My arms ached. I looked down to see them bandaged. Tears welled up in my eyes. "No God dammit! Take me back! Take me back to where I was!" I scream as I ball up a fist. Roaring, I punch the wall as hard as I could. My fist sticks to the wall and pain shoots through my body. Barely able to see through my rage and tears I see what's holding my fist. The wall around my fist is black, the tar like ooze spreading outwardly from the point of impact. Almost instantly the room shifts back into the dark prison I was previously in.
The light flickers and I see what I had tripped over. A bottle of whisky. I have to find a way out of this place, I'm already starting to lose it. I see a door on the other side of the room and I bolt towards it.
My feet still hurt, my arms ache, and I have a dull headache from tripping, but nothing is stopping me from getting out. I sprint hard and fast. Still running, I hear the warbling sound again. That noise is the most unnerving thing I have ever heard. If mushrooms could laugh, that would be the sound it made. Fear sets in hearing that "laugh" and all I can do is focus on running for escape. I'm starting to get winded, how big is this room? In a giant pulsating blast, the noise gets louder and an unseen force knocks me down. I roll over and get up, facing towards where I started.
"Son of a bitch..." I mutter. I literally have not moved. I am no close to the door and no further away from the growing black cancerous mass in the corner. I look to my right and see the bottle. I'm nauseated at the thought, but I grab it anyway. Anything to numb the pain. It doesn't seem like I can leave here any time soon, and this ooze also seems to not get this close to the light so I might as well enjoy myself until I figure a way out. Or wake up.

Tufer Origins Chapter 5: Live By The Sword....

Rage. Hate. Unfulfillment. Those were the only things I could focus on. I failed. I failed to protect them. I couldn't even make things right. Its been six months since we started living in this abandoned burrow and I only feel the shadow grow stronger.

"Tufer..."
SLAM!
"Tufer."
SLAM!
"TUFER!"

My eyes burned, "Dammit! WHAT!?" I realized at that moment what I had been doing. "Tufer! You can't cut that log any smaller !" I heard Ony reply, somewhat agitated now. I looked at the ax in my hand, then at the log-turned-twig in front of me. "Ony, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean---" She cut me off, "Its fine, Tufer. I completely understand. Its fine." As she had started to walk away, I decided I should start gathering the wood that was salvageable for a fire tonight. Just as she thought she was out of earshot, I could hear her say, "Tufer...I worry about you just as much as you worry about me. I'm afraid you are losing yourself....and I'm losing you too..."

Those words stabbed into my soul. Dammit Tufer, you are supposed to be protecting her. Helping her. Not freaking her out and getting her upset. "Don't worry, Ony, soon I'll fix everything, and you can be happy."

Sleep wasn't happening that night. I couldn't tell if it was from the storm raging outside, or if it was from the one inside my head. Neither storm seemed to bother Ony at all she was completely out on the bed. I was glad that at least one of us was at peace tonight.

I paced back and forth wrapped up in my own thoughts. Looking over at her asleep, I felt guilty for hiding so much from her. I had ulterior motives for training every day alone. I used that time to hunt for the location of that demon, Garou. Earlier that day, before the "log splitting" incident, I had found him at last. I was tired of hiding, tired of feeling beaten and hopeless. Tonight I would avenge Pop and Ony's family. Tonight I end this. Most importantly, after tonight, Ony would be safe.

A flash of lightning, crackle of thunder, and I headed for the door.

"Tufer? What are you doing?" Ony said, half asleep, "Go to bed, Tufer."
"I'm just going out for a night time walk...err...in the rain, I'll be right back. Everything is fine, just go back to sleep."
"Stop, Tufer." I froze and turned around, the tone in her voice had shifted. "I know what you are doing. I'm begging you, Tufer, do not go through with this. Think clearly for a moment...There is no point to doing any of this!"

"No Point?! Dammit, Ony, I'm tired of running away from this! I have to find them and finish what they started! I swore an oath to you and Pop that I would protect you! I failed! Now the only way to fix that is to kill them for what they have done!"

"And what will that do, Tufer? Bring Pop back? Bring my family back? No! It won't! Screw your oath, Tufer! Do you only care about me because it is your made up duty? What good does your oath do if you go out there and die tonight?"

"No, Ony, you don't understand. I have to do this....I have to protect you."

"And killing those werewolves is protecting me, right? Shit, Tufer, listen to yourself! I don't and never have needed you to protect me! You know that is true. Cut the bullshit with me, you and I both know that you feel doing this resolves you of your guilt. And I get that, I really do. The fact is, though, you aren't guilty of anything. Is resolving your imaginary guilt more important than staying here and moving on with our lives?"

We stared at each other for what seemed like forever. I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. "I'm sorry, Ony. One day I hope you can forgive me. I have to do this," I calmly spoke as I walked out of the burrow. The rain drenched my fur, my ears flopped to the sides. Lightning streaked all across the sky. I couldn't understand what Ony was yelling at me because the thunder covered her screams. I walked and never looked back. The shadow had gripped my soul enough that I only cared about one thing, fulfilling my goal. Killing Garou. Ending this. Ending my suffering.

That was the biggest mistake of my short life.

Tufer Origins Chapter 4: Round One. Fight!

At that time, I still didn't know how I had the knowledge to survive or where my fighting capabilities had come from. It all seemed to come just from the most basic of instincts within me. Any downtime I had from making sure Ony and I survived another night in our abandoned burrow was spent on honing my combat abilities. After a long while of this, Ony joined me in training. It was a good thing we trained as much as we did. She would need the skill more than ever now. In all honesty, she really didn't need much, she was naturally fierce and scrappy all on her own. I walked away several times after our 'bouts' with more cuts and bruises than she. Hell, I still remember the first time we fought for real.

"Charge me!"
"I won't hold back on you!"
"Good! Now shut up and charge me!"
She growled and started to sprint as fast as she could at me. I calmly stared at her, with a slight smirk on my face. This, I learned, was a bad idea. Never antagonize a girl bunny...especially if she is your best friend, she will make you regret it. I thought I had picked apart every flaw in her form, turns out, I hadn't. She had no form. She was completely unpredictable, she also played my hubris against me. She was in complete control the whole time.

When she got within a few feet of me, I noticed her right paw was up. I prepared to block that high punch and counter with a throw. That is when I felt intense pain in my lower jaw. I had totally forgotten she was left handed. She took advantage of that as she uppercutted me. I saw stars, couldn't focus at all. Ok, I am going to have to be serious about this. "Shit! That hurt!" I whined as I tried to regain my composure.

"Aww, wanna stop? Want me to go fix you an ice pack and some tea?" she smirked," Oooh! I have a better idea! How about you stop being a little bitch and fight me!" God I love her attitude. I chuckled as I started my relentless counter attack. Right hook, left jab, left hook, right uppercut, leg sweep. I didn't hold anything back, problem was, she blocked and dodged everything I threw at her. Then I saw my opening. She tried to feint a right hook again and catch me with her left. "Not this time," I muttered as I grabbed her left paw and flipped her over. Still holding on, I put my foot on her chest, as well as pressure on her wrist, fully expecting her to tap out. It was tough, but I beat her. It was a good fight.

The huge grin on my face quickly faded when I felt something sharp tap my inner thigh. I looked down in horror to see Ony wielding a small knife, resting it right below every guy's weak spot. "You crafty...You sneaky bit---"

"Hey now, choose your next words carefully. Don't want me to ruin your, ahem, ego any more do ya?" "Fine," I grunted as I let her go, "Where the hell did that even come from?" "I have to keep some secrets don't I, best bud?" She said as she hopped up, I just looked at her, arms crossed. "Aww don't be a grumpy bunny," she said playfully as she shook me, "I tell you what, for being such the perfect badass you are and best trainer ever, one so amazing that I could never surpass, I will make you something to eat tonight. I will even let you decide what it is, k?" "Okay....fair enough," I replied, managing the best smile my hurt pride would allow. I knew she was joking around with me, but no matter what, it always made me feel better.

Until the shadow took over again.

Tufer Origins Chapter 3: Painful Memories

Sorrowful screams. Horrifying howls. Those sounds are permanently implanted into my memory. Sounds I never want to hear again.

It was the middle of the night, I was startled awake by a nightmare I had. Funny enough I can't remember the actual dream, because what I had awoken to was a worse nightmare. I heard a scream just as I snapped to. That was Ony! I burst out of our shelter to see a conflagration before me where the farmhouse should be. Wicked shadows danced all around, both inside and outside the smoke and flames. Laughing. Howling. I quickly spotted Ony clenching something. A body. No. It can't be.

"Tufer, they....they killed Pop..." Ony cried as she clenched me tight. I held her, staring at the lifeless body that had once saved me from death, that took me in, took us both, the kindest, gentlest human ever to walk this Earth. I couldn't repay my debt now. I couldn't save him. I tried to comfort Ony, but nothing could come out of my mouth. My teeth clenched, my ears stuck straight up...Something inside of me snapped.

That was the first time I felt the shadow of death and destruction inside of me.

I released Ony and looked her square in the eyes, "Hide. Now. I am going to fix this." "No Tufer, I...I can't lose you too," she said with tear filled eyes. A wave of confidence and strength I had not felt before rushed over me, "I will be ok, Ony, trust me on this one." I turned to go face Pop's killers when I felt something hard smash me across the face. My body flew the air, but came to an instant halt as it connected with the shelter's outside wall. My body should have been broken by that assault, and it sure as hell hurt, but a forgotten survival instinct kept me alive. My spirit wasn't broken. I slowly stood up, focusing on my attackers. There were five of them. Werewolves. Savage beasts that should not exist. Shit! My focus shifted to one thing I feared more than werewolves. Ony was taking them all on by herself with just a burning stick! I told her to hide dammit! I can't...I won't let her be hurt!

I used all of my energy to push through the pain and get to her. I tried to get the wolves attention, but they were too busy taunting Ony.
"Aww look at the cute wabbit trying to protect her DEAD LOVED ONES!"
"HAHA! Such a tragic, yet funny, sight don't you think, Master Garou?"
The biggest one stepped in front of the other four, "Yes it is, my friends. And I declare there will be a feast tonight in our and our Lord's honor....after we have some fun with the love one that is." Ony was swinging the flaming stick like a champ. Who knew she had it in her? At that moment, she threw the weapon Garou. However, he calmly shifted his head and it missed, hitting one of the wolves behind him. "Shit! She got me!" he yelped, "I will rip out your throat, bitch! And after that I'm gonna skull fu..."

"SHUT UP!" Garou yelled to his comrade in pain. He sniffed the air. "She smells familiar," he looked down. "I know this one." I have to move faster. Dammit body move faster! Get out of there Ony! "Boys! Gather 'round for a story," Garou started, "before most of you were born, and before I was Alpha, I had raided this spot before." I saw Ony glance in my direction, good she saw that I was still alive, keep their attention for just a little bit longer. Garou knelt down to get on Ony's level as she backed away, always facing them, smart girl. "Ya see lads, I had orders to come here...but I also came for the hell of it. I stumbled upon a burrow close to where we stand now. To my surprise, I saw a whole happy family...of little bunnies inside." The wolves behind him started to howl and laugh. I am sick of this. I see a broken stick with a nice, sharp edge on the end. "I am not particularly proud of what happened next, lads, but you see, I was famished," the most evil grin spread across his face, the fire reflecting off of his evil eyes, "So, I killed them all and ate them, except one." My bones froze, Ony slunk back in fear and sorrow. The only sound I could here from her were, "No...no...it can't...I'm not..." repeating over and over. Garou started to continue his story. Sorry Garou, you aren't going to get to finish.

Everything went red, strength came from deep within, a dark strength. I grabbed the sharp stick I found, hoisted it up, and threw with everything I had. "Hey asshole! You forget about me?!" I screamed running behind the flying weapon. The shock on Garou's face at the sight of me was almost as satisfying as the sound of his eye getting impaled by my weapon. I raced to Ony to get her to run. She was almost catatonic, just repeating the same thing. "Dammit Ony! We have to go now!" She looked at me and nodded as we heard pain filled grunts and howls behind us. We ran. We ran as far as we could. Behind us we could still hear them, "Find those motherfuckers! If none of you do, I swear by our Lord that I will rip out your own asshole and force feed it to you!" Garou was angry. Good. But I had to get us out of here now.

We ran till we saw daylight. We didn't stop to rest until then. The five seconds we had taken to stop, Ony passed out. We still weren't complete safe here, even though I am positive we lost them. As savage as werewolves are, they aren't very quiet. No, they like their presence known, for the thrill of the hunt I guess. I could feel every bone in my body scream in pain as I picked up and carried Ony. Luckily I didn't have to go far till I found and abandoned burrow. I carefully crawled into the hole, still carrying Ony. I called out to see if anyone may have been squatting inside like I intend to do for now. Completely empty. Lucky I guess. I found a bed that just so happened to be big enough for the both of us. I laid her down on one side, still out of it. I sat on the other side. It hit me. Everything we had gone through together, nothing had prepared us for this. Everything we known...gone....gone just because some assholes decided to 'have some fun.' I couldn't help but still feel that all of this was somehow my fault. Ony. She didn't deserve this. To know the truth. Pop. He definitely didn't deserve to be brutally killed for no reason. Hate filled my soul.

That was the second time I felt that now familiar shadow inside of me. A shadow that would remain with me until the day I died....and after.

Tufer Origins Chapter 2: Six Years Ago

 The first memory I have of my old life took place six years ago. All I remember was being cold, wet, and in pain. That's when he found me, The Farmer. I called him Pop. Next thing I can recall is waking up on a makeshift bed made of straw, a fire providing comfort, and the most beautiful girl bunny I had ever seen in my life. I tried to introduce myself to her, but the only thing I managed to utter was, "AAAARRRGGHHH!!!" My ribs were definitely broken. She immediately told me to lay still as she ran to the door of the shelter. Ok, I won't argue.

 I hear her call out, "Pop! He's awake!" "Good," I hear an older man reply. I glanced over to see a human figure enter the shelter, followed by the bunny. For reasons unknown to me, when the man crouched beside me, I immediately reacted by throwing my hands up into a defensive stance. "Calm down, friend. Everything is ok. You are safe here." I glared at the man, unwavering in my focus despite the excruciating pain.

 Then she spoke.

"Really you are ok now. We found you clinging to life on the Market Road. He saved you."

Something in her voice completely disarmed me. I dropped my guard. "I'm...I'm Tufer," I managed to grunt. The Farmer stood up and smiled, "Call me Pop, my friend. Iffin' ya give me a moment, I'll be back with some medicine." "Thank you, Pop," I replied nervously. As soon as Pop slipped out, the girl bunny approached me, I couldn't help but stare at her. Something about her, she was special. "I'm Ony, I'm so glad you are still with us Tufer. Let me get you something to eat," I could only nod as she smiled and went to grab a bowl of something. "I made some carrot stew, yeah, I know its stereotypical for us rabbits to eat carrots. But they are just so damn good dontcha think?" I laughed a little, it hurt, but I didn't care. I grabbed the bowl and started chowing down on what would become my favorite dish for the rest of my, well, life.

"Do you remember anything?"

"No....nothing....only that my name is Tufer. This stew is amazing by the way."

"Thank you," she grinned. I was caught in a trance, the stew started to dribble out of my mouth. "Umm Tufer," she pointed. "Oh shit! I'm sorry....I was just trying to remember...remember anything," yeah real smooth there Tufer, you old suave SOB.

"Haha! Its totally ok! Well, I guess you would like to know where we are right? I have to go back into my own past a little," she got really serious and looked away from me, "I was abandoned in a burrow close to Pop's garden. He found me alone, crying because I hadn't eaten in a long time. That's what he had told me at least," she paused for a minute with a grim expression, deep in though. I felt so bad for her. She looked back up at me smiled, "Anyway, I have lived here my whole life repaying Pop for saving me by helping him out with the garden. Sadly, time hasn't been kind to him and the harvests have been getting smaller." "I...I am so sorry to hear all of that...seriously though, thank you for all you have done to help me. As soon as daylight hits, I will be on my way. I'll find some way to pay you and Pop back for the kindness."

"Well you can stay here and help me n' Ony out with the garden if you want to pay us back that much," we both turned to see the kind old man standing in the doorway holding medicine, "You just rest now and get back yer strength alright?" "Thank you, sir. I will. And I promise that you won't be disappointed," I replied.

This was the beginning of my old life. Ony and I developed a rather unique bond over the course of the next five years. She was my best friend, my confidant, the only being I trusted and loved...well besides Pop. I guessed this is what a family felt like. I still don't remember anything before meeting Ony for the first time and I don't know if I ever truly want to. I was happy. Life was good.




Then, a year ago, those bastards came.